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11:06:2004

Hot or Not Update

Hot or Not

Perhaps God has personally smiled down upon Masta Rat. Who knows. His completely average score of 5 has slowly been elevated to a 6 as hoards of horny, fat and generally ugly women seek to "doubles match" with the Rat. M. Rat currently has 505 of these so called "doubles matches" but refuses to pay the $6 membership fee and therefore cannot interact with any of the said horny, fat and generally ugly women mentioned above. Thankfully.

View the test results here.

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09:21:2004

Survey Says: Masta Rat Totally Average Looking!

Hot or Not

An in-depth survery by hotornot.com has revealed that Masta Rat is effectively as average-looking as it gets. Test results show that Rat rates somewhere around a "5," regardless of his pose, posture or preening.

Composed of peers and total strangers, the test group found that Rat was better looking than some of the really ugly people on the site but not as good looking as some of the really "hot" people on the site (particularly men without shirts, showing off their pectoral muscles and looking surly).

"I'm thrilled with the results," Masta Rat said, "Really, really, really thrilled. After all these years it's nice to know that I can fit in somewhere, even if it's just as a number on a scale of 1 to 10."

View the test results here.

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Dr. Watch-Out's Take on the Music Awards

Doc Watch-OutYO.

AS A PRUFESHUNAL HIPHOP ARTIST, I FEELS AS IF US HIPHOP ARTISTS AIN'T RECIEVIN DA RESPECK DAT WE DESERVE AS MUSICAL VISSHUNERIES.

I CANNOT AGREE MORE WIF DA MESSAGE DAT WE GOT. CUZ SHIT ... JAZZ BEEN KILLED ... IMPROVOSATION IS ALL DEAD, TOO ... CUZ IT'S FUCKIN SHITTY SOUNDIN. YOU GOT'S TO WRITE DA SHIT DOWN FIRST. AND INSTRUMENTATION IS SHIT WHEN YOU CAN GET A COCKSUCKIN MACHINE TO DO DAT SHIT FOR YOU.

MUSIC'S MUCH FUCKIN EASIER NOW THANKS TO SUCH INNERVATIONS.

ALSO. AS A ARTIST DAT HAS WRITTEN SONGS DAT ARE ABOUT DA SODOMIZATION OF YOUNG CHILLUNS, MASTIBITATORY HAPPNINS, AND GANGSTAH RAPE, I CANNOT AGREE MORE WITH DIS "FORM" SHIT. WE GOTTA RESPECK DA TROOPH DATS OUT THERE. WE GOTSTA UNNERSTAN DAT YUNGINS ALL OVAH DA WORL'S GETTIN' GANGSTAH RAPED AND MASTIBITATED ON. AN DAT SOME SEVERELY DERANGED COCKSUCKAHS LIKE DAT SHIT AN DAT DEY'S BUYIN REKKIDS, TOO. DEY NEEDS A VOICE.

AND DAT'S REALLY DA PURPOSE A' MUSIC IN ERMERICA AIN'T IT ... SHIT. GAWD BLESS DA FORM ...

AN' KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR DA NEW DWELLAZ REKKID. DUE OUT SOMETIME DIS SUMMAH ON DUMPTRUCK.

PEACE AND SHIT.

DOCWATCHOUT

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04:01:2001

Dr Watch-Out's April Fools Editorial

Doc Watch-OutYO BITCHES. DIS IS DA FIRS' DOCWATCHOUT EDITORIAL COCKSUCKIN' EVAH! I BEEN AXED BY THE MUTHAFUCKAS AT DUMPTRUCK TO SHARE SOME O' MY INSIGHTFUL SHIT WIT YOU ALL.

DIS EDITORIAL IS DEDICATED TO DA LADY WHO TOOK MY STUFF UP IN HER SHIT LAS' NITE!

MAN, APRIL COCKSUCKIN' FOOLS IS UP ON OUR ASSES AGAIN. DEY'RE ALL FALLIN OUTTA TREES AN' SHIT DIS MUMF, AN' LANDIN' IN MY FUCKIN' LAP-POOL! SERIOUS.

AN THEY AIN'T NUTTIN' IN DIS WORL' I HATE MORE THAN A FOOL IN MY JESUS LOVIN' POOL. BUT WE DEDICATE A DAY TO THEY ASSES EVERY DAMN YEAR! WHAT THE FUCK? IT'S LIKE WE SPEN' ALL DAY ACKIN' RETARDED AN' SHIT IN ORDERS DAT THEY NOT FEEL LIKE SUCH SEVERELY IGNUNT MUTHAFUCKAS ALL THE TIME.

BUT I GOT A BETTER PLAN FOR DAT SHIT. IF YOU WANNA CELEBRATE FOOLS, YOU SHOULD DO DAT SHIT RITE! GODDAMN! WHY'S WE WASTIN' PRECOCIOUS TIME ALL THE FUCKIN DAY OF APRIL 1, ACKIN' ALL WIF RETARDITUDE AN SHIT. MAN, TO SOLVOLUTE DIS PROLLEM, I SEZ DAT WE SEN' OUT CRAZY BANS OF VIGILATE COCKSUCKERS TO HUNT DOWN DA SEVERLY RETARDED FOLKS DAT PROWL OUR SACRIFIED STREETS ON COL' NITES--WAITIN' FO' OTHA SEVERLY RETARDED COCKSUCKERS OR INNOCENT GRRLS IN DARK ALLEYS WIF CHAINS AND RIDIN' CROPS. WE GOTS TO HARM DEM PHYSICALLY SO'S DAT THEY KNOW DAT THEY A FOOL--SO'S DAT THEY DON'T GET TO US FIRS. SO'S DAT OUR GRRLS REMAIN GROCERY FRESH!

YOU KNOW, THO'. I AIN'T GWUINE SIT HERE AN' BE ALL LIKE "HATE YO' BRUTHAMAN AN' SHIT." NAH ... I JUST GET'S MAD SOMETIMES WHEN I SEE PEOPLES ACKIN' STUPID--SNORTIN' RAILS OF DRANO AN' GUNPOWDER ... TAKIN' HITS THRU A STRAW OF DA FUMES A' SOME COCKSUCKER'S LIT RIP O' ASS. MAN. FREEBASIN' REFLATULATED SHIT TAKES A SICK SUMBITCH COCKSUCKA.

SO MAYBE FO' APRIL FOOL'S DAY, ALL YOU DUMB MOTHAFUCKAS OUGHTTA JUS' SNIFF DA REIFIED STINKITUDE OUTTA SOME BASTARD'S ASS-CUP AN' LEAVE DA RES' OF US ALONE ... DO SOME DAMN FOOL THANG LIKE SEN' YO' LADIES TO MY HOUSE SO THAT I MAY INTRADICT DEM TO DA OL' BILLY CLUB AN' SHIT.

LOVE AN' PEACE AN' SHIT ...

DOC WATCHOUT

P.S. DWELLAZ 2G1, ON DUMPTRUCK WHEN WE FINISH DA SHIT!


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